Let’s Get See-Through

Photo by Raspopova Marina on Unsplash

I thought it might be time for a little transparency here. Time to get see-through!

Exactly 2 months and 4 days ago, I graduated from my 9 month UIUX Designer program from Bethel School of Technology, an online tech bootcamp. Tech bootcamps are so en vogue these days. I am extremely proud of everything I learned in those 9 months: user centered research, analyzing data, developing information artifacts, wireframing, iterating, prototyping, usability testing, learning Figma and some of the Adobe Creative Suite, and most importantly, learning to never lose focus of the user and the “why”. I was even fortunate enough to dip my toes into the coding world by learning HTML, CSS and some JavaScript.

Those 9 months were anything but smooth sailing. Most of the time, I never truly understood why I was doing what I was doing until I had finished doing it and had moved on. I would have a lightbulb “Aha!” moment and feel really accomplished and in the very next moment I would feel like I was blindfolded, in the dark, struggling to find the light switch. It was a rollercoaster!

Let me tell you something, my friend, imposter syndrome is a beast! Throughout the entire program, I could hear it howling outside of my windows like the hounds of Baskerville and now that I have joined the gigantic pool of job hunters, I can feel it breathing down my neck.

My post graduation life has been a bewildering daily dance of hope, despair, defiance, resignation and distraction. I never know exactly where I should focus. How many jobs should I apply for? Should I improve my portfolio? My case studies? Start a new case study? All of the above? I think the latter answer is the right one, but, honestly, I don’t have the bandwidth right now. Bootcamp left me burnt and I am only moving forward on whatever resilience I have floating around in my soul and the promise that God gave me when I started this journey, If I meant this for you, why would I let you fail?

The beautiful glitter lining of this tumultuous journey is that I am now free to spend as much time as I want to with my 3 year old son. Financially, we have enough to get by, and in these crazy times, that is truly a blessing. Sure, we want to be financially abundant and we have dreams and goals that require more money coming in, but there are only 8 or 9 more months until my son starts preschool. Parents and guardians know, our time with our children is limited and we can never get it back.

Okay, so we can’t afford to take our son to Disneyland, but I can take him to the park and bake cookies with him. One scenario isn’t better or worse than the other, being fully present is what matters. I haven’t given up on my goal of landing a UIUX role, but I have taken the time to prioritize my son in this season. Once I made that clear to myself, I was able to release a lot of pressure that was pushing down on my shoulders and causing me to be unbearable. It felt like the dark cloud that I was spreading throughout my household had dispersed.

I’m not quite sure how to end this post because I don’t quite know where I’m going yet, but that’s okay because this is my journey.